My 1st time on MTV!

Well, today I had what can be called my 15 seconds of (un)fame, but when Cyrus Broacha asked me what is my ego, I blabbered, and said the first incoherent thing that came to my mind: "My ego is that I believe in myself, for my ego is me". What kind of an answer is that!

Cyrus: So, do you believe you are God?"

Me: Er.. No

Cyrus: Is God a part of you?

Me: Er.. no. I am a part of God"

Cyrus: Am I a part of you?

Me: -smiles- No

Cyrus: Thank god for that (whatever does he meant by that?)

I patted him in sympathy. He got bored with me and moved on to the next guy.

Yeah, that was my fifteen second.

There were so many things I should have said, "The goddess is my ego" or some sort of thing.

The thing I am trying to bring is, at the most unexpected times, the most unexpected questions come our way, and it is much too difficult to give an answer.

This short exchange happened when Cyrus Visited our Campus, but we were busy shooting the LIPDUB for IIMB, ( I will paste the link tomorrow, when it is uploaded on youtube ), but unfortunately, Leila, the one who made this all possible, fell down and hurt herself while filming, so she had to be rushed to the hospital.

There were all sorts of confusion after that: Who will take the shoot now? and What will happen to the LIPDUB now? Not heeding much to those, we all went where there were the most crowd. Cyrus was doing his show. So, like any other who have nothing better to do, I stood where everyone was standing. Then those questions came.

I was contemplating, what should have been the right approach to answer a question, instantly, on your feet. I suppose practice will help, but one generally do not practice such a thing unless it is presented to him by circumstances.

But then, I think it has nothing to do with thinking on the feet, the trick is not to answer the most acceptable one, but one that you believe in. It can be boring, strange, weird. But it is a part of one, a product of the self. And that is much more valuable then what is artificially produced by practicing some method to generate artificial answers.

The Torture Chamber

At the outset, I must declare that this is not a work of fiction but is reality, from viewpoint of a sterile mind.

How many days it has been since I was captured, I do not know. The torture sessions increased both in intensity and regularity. My body was bloody from numerous abuses it had withstood and the mind battered from the continuous interrogation sessions.

As I got ready for the next round of one such torture sessions, otherwise cleverly disguised as pre-placement talks, in this dungeon pit which is otherwise called a management institute, I saw that today it is going to be different. Today, my torturer was the notorious 2J. I turned in to my sightless eye, and in place of it, there was the all consuming flame. I fed all my emotions, feelings, hurt, pain, into the flame, and let it consume everything until in the end, there was only the flame. This is how I have been holding on to, even after such excruciating torments from the hands of my torturers.

It was my sentry duty that day, for inmates are given responsibility - but I was being detained in the torture chamber , C-11. An hour remains till the other inmates noticed that I have slacked from my duties. At this place, duty is heavier then mountain, death lighter than feather (WOT reference). Would they end this torture in time to serve my duties? Can I survive after this even to care about my duties?

A small pain crept up the mind... The flame flickered. The flame needs fuel to sustain it, and as such I faltered a moment and let the fuels supply waver. I threw in everything into the flame. There was nothing but the flame. The flame and I was one.

For how many hours it continued thus, I do not know, but it was long. Even as I was one with the flame, 2J used the dreaded Credo upon me. In answer my body convulsed in reaction, my mind reacted sharply and the flame flickered. It was a mistake, the Credo nearly overpowered me but the flame was not yet out. I ignored the pain and threw it into the flame - but to my ruin, it didn't burn - the pain was nonflammable. It flickered once more before it finally died, unable to sustain without any fuel. With it the oneness was lost; reigniting would be futile as there no longer remained any fuel to sustain it. All the previous inflictions of the torture tided over me, my screams were muted by the intensity of the Credo. I could not hold on anymore - my strength was fading. Alas! all my efforts will be for naught, if I fail now. Suddenly there was a bright flash of light but the next moment, darkness took over me.

As I opened my eyes, I was surprised to find myself alive. It seems I was out only for a few moments but within those few moments many things must have happened. The torture had stopped and the torturers gone. My rescuer was nowhere to be seen. With tired legs, I dragged myself to the sentry position, thinking what must have happened when I was blacked out.

[This was written during one the pre-placement talks as it continued to drag on and on]

Attention...Span

I never seem to write anything here, these days. Have I got nothing to vent about? Or have I become too complacent with my faults that I no longer care about them anymore? Maybe it has something to do with my decreasing attention span. There was a time when I can do a thing for a long time, without my attention wavering towards another. But that was then, now I can hardly have my mind at one thing for more than a few seconds. Perhaps this has something to do with how I have been living my life, always on the edge, not knowing what is going to happen the next second, always ready to jump to the vantage point at any instance ... etc. Etc. is such a nice word, one can use it whenever one runs out of ideas. But I digress. Oh, yes, attention span.

A mail notification! I must shift my mind on that and come back here after that...wait, there is a instant message too, asking for help in one of the online games I play. This won't take long, will come back to continue this writing.

Ah, that was quick; the mail was quite uninformative and tediously long, and I helped in one of the deathrune seige of one of my gaming friend in that facebook game. And now I am finally able to return to my writi...ng. Is that someone knocking on my door or is it the neighbour's? Who might it be, so late in the night?

It was my neighbour knocking on my door. Someone dropped him a book and asked him to gave it to me. Is that my phone vibrating. Ah... give me a moment...
It is only a message. Nothing important.

Now is it my fault that I could not write this piece of blog in one go? That I could not give my whole attention to write a piece of my mind because my attention span is as much as that of a goldfish?

What book it is that is on the table? I have this terrible urge to read it. I must fight back the instinct to jump on it...
...
It is hard to tear my eyes away from that temptation of the devil and now here again... must writing this.

Will these never cease? Another temptation runs through my head, should I write this later and watch that new episode of "Accidentally on purpose"? Ah, choices, choices and choices. At this moment I want to pray, "Oh Lord, lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil." But I won't.

Is it just me, or is my headache getting more serious. Perhaps my eyes are getting tired with staring at this screen for the past... uncountable number of hours. Maybe I should write this later on, maybe tomorrow morning.

Oh, but wait, I have not checked orkut today! So I must rush there to check the messages and stuffs.
That was fun, I replied to a few messages, and I am back here again. But wait, an invitation to read a new blog, how nice... give me two minutes...

...
That was much more than two minutes. Perhaps I should not have written the comment, but how could I have resisted when it was so blatantly wrong! And it was not a good thing that all while I was getting distracted by million other things as well!

Ah, before I could be interrupted again, I shall end my internal monologue here. Now... should I read that book or should I watch that episode. Choices, choices, choices.