Eureka! Eureka!

No, I shall not debauch myself to such a low level and run naked shouting Eureka! Eureka! But such is the thing I want to do at the present. For I have come across the thing that I was missing for.

I feel, and hence I am aware. I feel that something has returned to me, which has been denied to me for long, a vital part and hence I am now aware that I am complete.

In the night, peacefully I sleep, for now, its presence make me feel contend . I no longer inquire those intriquing questions, for they are meaning less now. And in the night, my unconcious mind does wander to places that are ...natural.

But what is it that I have found? What makes me so complete.

My-self. I found myself. My long journey has been quite meaningless. I searched everywhere, but in the quest, I forgot to search the most unlikely place: my-self.

In the vain pursuit of knowledge, I had forgotten the absolute truth.
In the search of someone, I had forgotten myself.
In the process of finding happiness, I had forgotten to be happy.

So, it was there all along with me. Absurbly simple, like most quest when you reached your destination. Now, I am contend, and happy, for I have found the long lost me, and I feel complete. I have never loved myself so much before. If Narcissus were in front of me, he would be ashamed of himself; for, he could not have loved himself more so.

But does that mean I am narcissic? I love myself, yes, but I shall not waste myself on my reflection on a clear pool of water. But who knows, if the three sisters of fate thus condemned me to, I shall have no choice but to share the fate of Narcisuss. For I do love myself hopelessly.

Something Missing

I feel, and hence I am aware. I feel that something has been taken off me, a vital part and hence I am aware that I am incomplete. No it is not that.

I was whole and complete. And suddenly, a new awareness came and I was stripped off. It was pain beyond all pain. And I was naked. Incomplete. Not whole.

I lay awake in the night, because I cannot sleep. I keep thinking. What is the thing that is not present? What is making me incomplete? Why am I feeling these new sensations? Why are these emotions surging through me and rebel insolently against my will? And in the night, why does my concious mind wander to places that are ... not natural?

Revelations, I had none to all these questions. I shall not be passionate. I shall not have it. I shall have my Conscience lead me and have Reason as my guide. I shall thurst Passion down to unsounded depths of agony, where she cannot see the living day lights.
But can I?
Can Conscience and Reason keep Passion in check as it has done so till now? In her throes, will she revolt for freedom from the bonds of both conventionality and morality?

My whole being is in rebellion. And there shall be mutiny. And the end will be near.

Where now are you? Shall you not arise and salvage me from this deep slough of agony. My missing part, shall you not come and take me by the hands and complete me.

Where now are you? And where shall I find you?
Will my lament be left unheard and wasted in the wilderness?
Where now are you?